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Saturday, November 5th, 2016
12:55 pm - In retrospect
It's the end of 2016. I'm 31 now. I came back here to change my password to something more secure than a four-letter, all lowercase, english word.

And all I have to say is:

a) it gets better

and b) LOLLLLLL

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Wednesday, May 23rd, 2001
10:14 pm - new news
i gots a new journal, i made it all preety:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/kpunk

current mood: excited

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2:19 pm - o(^_^)o
it thunders, yet i see no rain.
i'm happy, yet i feel pain.
i'm lonely, yet content.
i love, but still resent.

anyways, so there was no point to that. it is thundering out, without rain, but oh well. i think i may have done something wrong. i think i made steve mad at me, because i talked to someone who posted a comment in his journal...o('O.O')o. ooh, but he's online now. i shall ask him. okay, he says it's not me *phew!*. omg, is it ever pouring out now...woo.

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Tuesday, May 22nd, 2001
10:50 pm - the night i completely failed to get lucky
well, i saw my second disciple ever, tim, at the pops concert tonight!! but more about that later. first off, the concert was mediocre. most of it sucked, but megan's act was breathtaking!! she was excellent! and also, the last act had so much talent... *awe*
anyways, my bitch tim was there! he luvs me o(^_^)o. i was gonna take him home with me, but his mom wouldnt let me. lol.
anyways, after the concert, me and kris and megan went to denny's (i almost said danny's...). and guess who we saw there....
straight from horlick....
my eigth-grade crush....
nicest ass in the universe....
MIKE CLOBES!!!!

haha, and i made a total fool of myself. i wanted to talk to him, but i never did. i threw balled-up paper at him for a few minutes, and i didnt get his attention. then i accidentally knocked my soda over and spilled all over the floor, and that got his attention. *sigh* it was hilarious, tho. i laughed so hard my shoulders hurt. i laughed so hard it felt like i was throwing up (charming, eh?). and so yeah. the end.

current mood: embarrassed

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Monday, May 21st, 2001
8:59 pm - my new life
right now i have the strongest desire to distance myself as far as possible from matt and margaret, and i dont know why. and not just them, either. mainly all the people in my life just after winter con. no, i didnt know margaret then, but she's become so closely intertwined with matt in my mind, they just go together. i guess i want to leave that part of my life behind. the old me from that time is dead, and the new me doesn't know how to deal with all the problems left over. you see, with as much as i love matt, mostly he makes me very sad. and he's never around to make me feel better. *sigh* im not sure i want to go to his house this weekend. i dont know how i'd deal with it. i know i'd be very jealous if margaret was hanging on him like she was at the con, even thought i know i dont have any right whatsoever to be jealous. and i'd be very uncomfotable being snuggly with matt if danny was there. i'd prolly be quiet and secluded and sleepy and altogether not fun. so its likely i wont go, cuz my mom doesnt want me to at all. she says he can damn well come visit me, and i agree. unfortunately, i know that's never going to happen, so whatever. why can't i ever leave everything behind and start over? i'm hoping to do that with steve when im 18. oh, i also found out megan disapproves of that *sad*. i wish i could just please everyone at once. i know, megan doesnt control me, i shouldnt try to please everyone, what megan feels isnt my business, but the truth is that she makes it my business. (my god this is controversial). anyways, i do want to get an apartment with megan, and i do still want to do the road trip, but i dont think it's wrong to change my mind. i mean, she can move in with kris when i move in with steve. i mean, this is assuming any of it happens. also, it seems megan and i get mad at each other a bit too often to live together. i'd prolly end up homeless a lot of nights, because im not as aggressive as she is. and i like the idea of living with steve Y! *sigh* too many problems. time for me to go. see ya!

Messages:
Megan: please dont get mad at me, im only saying what i feel
Steve: i miss you
Matt: call me

never say "i wish i could help", because that means you dont want to. say "can i help you?" because that means you're willing.

current mood: hrm

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4:02 pm - the mazes i grow
*sigh* oh, it's so nice out. a little chilly, but nice and rainy. it smells like a garden. *breathes deeply* ahhh. i'm supposed to call jake back but im not going to. i'm supposed to play a game with some online person, but im not going to. i'm supposed to stop worrying about things, but im not going to. that's me, the rebel without a pause. o(^_^)o. my website has a cute-ums new Kao-Ani Game!!

o(O_o)o CLICKUMS o(6.6)o

wow..im going on hiatus on thursday to re-organize and hopefully move to the new server dad bought. *crosses fingers*
wow...im such a geek. i need to leave my computer. *hugs her pc and cries* i could never leave you!!! waaaaaaaaaahhhhh.

okay. im done with that now. i want a donut. i want a donut. o(^_^)o
"i want food. food food *donk*" - me

current mood: peaceful

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Sunday, May 20th, 2001
9:27 pm - *sniff, sniff* i can't believe he's dead!
poor douglas adams...i loved that guy.

*moment of silence*

well, guess who i talked to?? matt!! it was very weird indeed. well, my going to his house this weekend doens't look good. needless to say, my mom's a little put off by his mom's intelligence (or the lack thereof). and so yeah. she doesn't want me going. the good news is, it's not her choice, it's dad's. the bad news is that my dad bases his decisions highly on what mom would say. *sigh* i guess im screwed. o(^_^)o


(ps - i got a glow-in-the-dark pacifier!! is that cool or what?!)

current mood: peaceful

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Saturday, May 19th, 2001
3:44 pm - kill me with sticks
well steve just called me about 20 minutes ago. 24 hours after i last talked to him. god, i nearly killed myself with stress. so, apparently he didn't get home until 5am last night (this morning?). okay, i understand. im pretty much over it. the only thing im still upset is the fact that now im all confused. monday or tuesday (i forget which), he told me that i could talk to him for as long as i wanted on friday and saturday. i thought he meant on the phone, but apparently i was wrong. only im not sure im wrong. he seems very into the just talking to me online thing, but i thought it was clear i meant i wanted to talk to him on the phone. well, im sure i dont need to say this, but i didnt have fantabulous luck in the "talking to him as long as i wanted" yesterday, and today isn't looking so hot either. grrrrr it makes me sooo angry!! i want to talk to him!!!! i know im being immature and throwing a mini-fit, but im a spolied brat and i want to talk to steve!!!! errrrrrrrrr, i waited all week for this. i guess i'll just go along quietly with the online thing, and maybe i'll persuade him to call me for an hour or something. *sighs angrily* what a fucking great weekend this has turned out to be.

(no offense to megan, who kept me happy while she was at my house. i love you)

current mood: spoiled and disappointed

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12:43 am - torn and burning inside
if you looked at me right now, you wouldn't notice anything strange. you'd see a young girl, sitting on her couch, typing at the computer. she isn't smiling, but she isn't showing any emotion either. go deeper, through the skin, into her core. you back out suddenly, because the noise deafens you. but soon you gather the courage again to brave the tempest. you cautiously step through, and are instantly tossed by a wave of pain. you can hear a girl screaming things, thought it's hard to make out her words for the awful din in the background. you see flames of anger licking at an emotion you recognize as compassion. things are tearing apart and regenerating as the waves of pain siphon back and forth between the crevices. but despite the fullness of the cavern, it seems vastly empty also. then, in the midst of it all, you see the girl screaming and pulling at her disheveled hair. her face is tired and aged, her eyes are sad and pleading. she looks exhausted, not like someone who's done a good day's work, but someone who has done eons worth of good and bad days' work. the bags under her eyes and the pallor of her face give her a ghostly appearance. she spies you, and staggers toward you, through the fire and the pain. she stands directly in front of you, body dirtied, cold and naked. she looks at you through tormented eyes and then faints. you try to catch her, but she becomes immaterial and lands on the ground. you bend to her side and try to revive her. you hear her breathing slowly become a tired sobbing. it sounds forced, as if she's cried too much and can't anymore, however much she needs to. then you hear hoarse whispers, just faintly, on the edge of hearing. the din in the background takes on a muffled tone, and you lift the girls head to face you so you can hear her. she says:
"where were you when i needed you?" and you stand immediately and back away, letting her head droop again. the tone she spoke in scared you, not only because you knew she was talking to you, but because you felt, sensed her saying it every time she thought it, whether to you or to someone else. frightened, you flee this place and end up looking at the emotionless girl on the couch, typing incessantly. and you can almost hear her crying.

current mood: desperate, hysterical

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Friday, May 18th, 2001
2:54 pm - ow ow ow it burns it burns ow ow ow
eep. i need to clean my room. i am currently sitting amongst a small kingdom of dishes. so yeah. anyways. today's been fun so far *rolls eyes*. i got woken up against my will twice, and just now, i spilled boiling soup all over my hand. it hurts like hell. owie owie owie. anyways. on the bright side, we also got our server today, and im getting a better computer!! we also got an inflatable penguin with our server (linux). so yeah. yays. well, im outtie!!

current mood: sore

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Thursday, May 17th, 2001
2:58 pm - "*sniff* all she ever wanted was a candy bar..."
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to caution you of the danger you are all in at work, at school, and in other public places.
Ladies and Gentlemen, vending machines. Killer vending machines. Lurking in malls and public pools around the world, these monsters should be avoided at all costs! 13 people a year are killed by vending machines falling on them, the next coould be you, or your daughter. And yes, even your pet monkey *gasp!*. Please be very cautious when walking past vending machines from now on. Thank you.

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Wednesday, May 16th, 2001
2:16 pm - a big, stupid monkey named Kronk!!!
waaaaaaaaahhhh...steve isn't online!!! *pouts* not fair not fair. *cries* anyways. im okay, really i am. i'm extraordinarily bored right now...ladeedaa... so, how are all of you? well, im good. actually, i'm better than good! *rejoices* so...yes...Jamie proposed to me today (the big lunk finally came to his senses and decided to love me, like everyone else does. lol.), cuz i thought him up a poll. but it didn't work out cuz i wasn't enthused enough. also because im not overseas and named sophie ^_~. i have excellent news!!! steve might be coming to see me in august!!!!!!! (lots of exclamation marks). isn't that great?! I'm sooooo excited! *bounces around like a maniac on speed* whheeeeeeee!!!! *boioioioioioioioinnnnnnggggggg* *runs around, poking you and yelling "eeee" happily* o(^_^)o

current mood: excited

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Sunday, May 13th, 2001
5:29 am - kitten fluffs
*sings* one of these guys is not like the others, one of these guys just isnt the same, can you pick who's not like the others? then come play my game:

matt
danny
steve
martin
jamie
king
ben
and...
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*sings* one of these guys is not like the others, one of these guys just isnt the same, can you pick who's not like the others? then come play my game:<br><center>
<a href="http://ravenwillow.homestead.com/matt.html" target="new">matt</a>
<a href="http://destructodoughnut.terrashare.com//megapage.html" target="new">danny</a>
<a href="http://www.rustedgate.com" target="new">steve</a>
<a href="http://www.ceperley.com/photo" target="new">martin</a>
<a href="http://www.gazeintoinsanity.com" target="new">jamie</a>
<a href="http://members.nbci.com/BLAK_KNITE/enter.htm" target="new">king</a>
<a href="http://www.holyguacamole.com/ben" target="new">ben</a>
and...
<a href="#" alt=dont remember her link..sorry">kris</a>
</center><br><Br>the answer? KRIS!! cuz she's a girl!!! HAHAHAHAH!!! okay, bedtime. g'nite. o(^_^)o


current mood: quixotic

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4:47 am - and there was much rejoicing
eee, im so happy right now!! i just had the sweetest, most meaningful conversation with steve. *le sigh* he's such a sweetie, you would not believe. *kisses him* hahaha, i win. ooh, im so hyper. partly cuz of the convo, partly cuz im tired as all hell, and partly cuz i have to peeeeeeeee!! anyways, before you ask, nup, im not gonna tell you what the convo was about unless you're megan or someone else i trust. this is super-secret stuff o(^_^)o. i love you all, im going to go....like...kill myself or move to florida or become an astronaut or something. see ya!!

current mood: bouncy

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Friday, May 11th, 2001
10:57 am - *pokes herself*
i have con pictures up, yay!!! go see my husband and wife!

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Wednesday, May 9th, 2001
1:31 pm - ...and i said...
i love you. those words haunt me, i swear. hard to say, too easy to mean. i dont know what's wrong with me, why am i so confused? issues i thought dead come back to hurt me...why do i do the things i do?

current mood: helpless, ashamed

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12:29 pm - heartache and jealousy
i'm probably wrong,
i'm probably selfish.
i'm probably immature
i'm probably psychotic.
but i do have problems.
and i do get jealous over small things
hard as i try not to
this isn't written to who you think it is.
not by a longshot
i know it's crazy
but what can i do about it?
*sigh*

current mood: jealous

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12:28 am - such a loser
im so sad...i wish i had friends who lived by me. or, rather, i wish my friends lived by me. i cannot express to you how dire my need for physical human contact is right now. i wish martin were here, he's so nice to cuddle with. or, i want to call him, but it's too late...my god, i want to cry so badly but i cant. and normally when i cant cry, i cut, but i wont. i promise. i really want to die right now, im so lonely!!! maybe i should just go to bed...i guess i will...it'll save me from killing myself. *sigh* i dont even know why i say that...i know i'll never do it....i miss you, martin....

current mood: desperate

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Tuesday, May 8th, 2001
1:57 pm - lesbionic mu kau - dude, like...moo?
heehee, i feel so cee-ute! i cut off my bangs and now my hair is all short and cute and lesbionic. o(^_^)o. i get camera my in two days, i'm so excited! i want it NOW!.
"Look, olive butt! Stick the knife up the butt! *rrrrr!*" - Emma
lol.

current mood: llama-ish

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Monday, May 7th, 2001
5:25 pm - beating a dead llama
i hate bringing up dead subjects, but i think this needs to be talked about:
(this was a reply in my journal, from megan)
Katie, I would like to point out something.
You said, and I quote...
"i didnt mean to flirt with her boyfriend that day. believe me, it made me extraordinarily uncomfortable when i noticed it."

megan, what i was talking about when i said that was the other day at the pool. i didnt actually mean to flirt with him, but i knew you'd see it that way, and so i did my best to stop it. i'm really sorry we misunderstood that.
by the way, if you did take off your shirt and bra in front of any of my s.o.'s, i wouldnt mind. i mean, i'd mind a little, but not so much cuz i love you, and i'm kinda liberal about that. but i understand that you're not, and i dont expect you to be. im glad you're the way you are. and im really sorry about everything that happened. im sorry about the poem, too. i didnt mean for it to be offensive. i actually meant it sort of as an apology, but that really didnt work out. sorry again. i love you!

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